God, a Fugue in A Minor

So, I love Him, but it wasn't always that way.  No, I remember the era of slinking through the underbelly of SF counting on a prayer to some conjured "batch of the day" god of my imagination to help me make it through the night.  Each day, it seemed, I'd whip up a new flavor of divine assistance, depending on my mood, to help ease me into those twisted moments of yore that proved to be so nasty.  Some days it was music I venerated, others the Buddha.  And still others, perhaps, a rock.  I realize now that everything I tried to find my solace in was created, whether being, object or sensation and, in and of itself, utterly useless to my wellbeing (can the inanimate give birth to life?).  In short, I hadn't yet reached the end of my rope and so willingly grasped at every harebrained "path" that flew my way instead of the maker Himself.

It wasn't until I sat at a table one day with my last and final meal in hand, ready to oust myself a bite at a time, that I realized I'd truly reached the apex of my misery.  Had a friend not called me, "coincidentally", at exactly the right moment, I would have been lost to all avenues of hope.  Her voice, warm and friendly, parted the rapidly closing curtain around my soul and, for an instant, I saw life.  I must've chosen well, 'cause here I am almost 15 years later praying to a God, this time, who I can't hear, see, smell or touch but that is more alive to me that anything I've ever experienced.

Like the woman at the well who sat with Jesus in the noontime hour and, astonished, ran to tell a whole village of the Man who told her everything she ever did, so am I.  Stunned and humbled by this love, I too, run a race against myself to spread the good news proclaiming Jesus is real, and that He loves and calls us by name.  What else is there?

My life today differs vastly from the disjointed, fragmented ball of wax that was my previous existence.  My moods have improved, mind has cleared and a joy has taken up residence in my spirit.  I've a score of thriving friendships and can count on myself to show up responsibly and thoroughly to every event of my days.  It's been this way for years and just keeps getting better.  My journey with Jesus has kept me grounded, sane and anchored in safety - plus, it's been fun.  And as for the experiences that haven't been peachy, the brutal ones that've knocked me off my feet, that invariably knock on the door no matter who you pray to?  Well, lets just say I now have someone to fall back on...

God is real, He is good and He is love.  As for the fugue?  Here's the last of it.