Fear eats at me and chops up my brain
am I engaging or am I insane?
Always this question inside my head
as I pen down the poems and wonder in dread.
Flying to heaven, sliding to hell
manic depression, I wear it well.
I’ve pranced back and forth on deaths holy door
refraining to knock, only God knows the score.
But the flowers they bloom so gentle and pretty
And I think of how much I love this city…
So much life all around, such kindness and caring
Why would I OD on skag despairing?
“Exactly” I think as I search myself
for reasons to put this attack on the shelf
None better than God who greatly loves me
who died for my sins so I could be free
Not even the struggle with my mental health
and thoughts on suicide I’ve pondered in stealth,
Could stop his love from reaching around
all the defenses and basis I found
to say that life sucks and’s not worth living
Man, depression can be unforgiving
He’s there and he sees, walks a mile in my shoes
In contemplation sensing my blues.
Then he tells me daughter come near
I’m all you need, your purpose it’s here
Just then the sun hits my sad face
And I linger a while in his grace
He gives me his hand and peace floods my soul
To him I surrender and give up control.
